28 Sep 2005 // A review by Kraven
Reviewed by Tristan Egarr

First, this is a biased review; how could it be otherwise? Only after seeing El Schlong play '2 ½ Dalis', did this reviewer realise there were other things in North Dunedin than drunken PE students being cocks, so the band will always hold a special place in my metal heart. Okay, they weren't always the most original band around (System of a Down, anyone?), but the ugly, swampy mess of this EP moves a long way from that.

Does it stand up to their live set? Like all cheaply recorded metal, the bass is muted. Nevermind. What sticks out is the mangled chop / change of these compositions - the six songs sound more like twenty put in a blender, and it's bliss. 'King of the Sandpit' opens with a slow heavy pound, cuts to Leah's trademark scary-clown-carnival bouncy lead stuff, then cuts back to the guttural pounding and keeps mutating like the schizophrenic slimy beast it is. Heavy thrash cuts to drawn out pain, cuts to smiley guitar chirps (almost Ska-like for 'Blinkers are Down'; AC/DCesque thrash for 'Shit Magnet'), etcetera. Sweet as.

But there is one damn odd fault. El Schlong are the only heavy band in Dunedin whose lyrics come across clearly, thanks to Jake's delivery - and thank fuck, for they can make you crack up laughing in the middle of the mosh pit (though sadly there's no 'Kill all the Christians' on the EP). So it's a crying shame that Jake's myriad vocal styles here sound like one guttural growl. Sometimes (on 'Home') it's perfect, and 'The Manster' gets some variation for the nice wee torture ramble - problem is, the lyrics are actually harder to hear on CD than they are live. This means that, while 'Boredom' is still the album's standout track, it ain't the beast it should be. But this is a minor quibble; I put it down to cheap recording rather than performance. So, if y'all like ballsy, swampy sonic mess with a schizophrenic rhythm, scary clown noises and compellingly sinister lyrics a bout mutilating your loved ones, I recommend.

7 / 10

Loudious Deepthroatus
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"Yes, our name is stupid, and no, we don’t care. A band name is a just a brand name like Cadburys or McDonalds. Our name neither effects nor reflects the music we play. It is unimportant to us."

So states guitarist/vocalist Leah Hinton.

Hinton formed El Schlong in Dunedin, New Zealand in 2003 along with fellow music student Nick Baldwin on bass. They cut their teeth and learned their craft in the city’s DIY student punk/metal scene before moving to the country’s capital in 2005.

Visit the muzic.net.nz Profile for El Schlong

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