19 Jul 2024
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disposable - Album Review: heaven

14 Apr 2024 // A review by Daylen Schmied-Pape
As I prepared to review disposable’s debut project heaven, I knew I would be embarking on a journey. I set myself up in an armchair, with a sunbeam warming my eyelids as I lay back and surrendered myself to the world that disposable crafted - feeling as nervous as I was excited.

Starting with the album cover itself, you’re immediately transported into a realm entirely of disposable’s own design. A slightly creepy and dilapidated, abandoned swimming pool graces the cover, and captures the energy of this project perfectly.

Knowing that this album was a highly personal piece created as a self-examination about disposable’s own journey with schizophrenia, as well as an attempt to elicit their own emotions and pull themself away from apathy may give me a deeper insight into the project; but it also makes me wonder what the decision to release this project at all ultimately hinged on. Is heaven even for us? I can tell you now, upon its completion, that while this project might have been created for entirely self-focused reasons, I believe it will have value to anyone who has the patience, and wherewithal to listen.

disposable has described this album as “not artistic expression”, but I would beg to differ. This project feels more artistic, more expressive, and more honest than the majority of music being released today. Art is subjective, personal, and emotional, and heaven is the epitome of all those things. I feel as if I’ve stepped directly into disposable’s mind, my only concern is if I’m truly welcome here.

As I began the album, I was immediately struck by the immersiveness of the atmospheric sonics. The first track rain felt as if it would be right at home as the soundtrack to a horror mystery game. I imagined myself exploring an abandoned world, not unlike the one depicted in the cover art itself, dusting cobwebs off long discarded books, and artefacts; attempting to piece together some far reaching plot of intrigue carried out by some sort of ancient eldritch being.

The second track frost introduced a dissonant melody that was as enchanting as it was off-putting. I felt myself experiencing a simultaneous feeling of peace and unease as I listened. My anxiety built towards the end of the track as the production swelled, then I felt it fade away as the song did the same.

By the fourth track scorching earthI was already being taken on an emotional journey. The use of samples in this song gives it an air of nostalgia unlike what I’ve experienced listening to other nostalgic music. It almost felt like scorching earth was the soundtrack to my own memories, but instead of seeing them in my head, I was watching them as a home movie that had been shot on a long-outdated video camera and played on a degraded old VHS tape.

As I moved into the back half of the album, voice hit me with what I can only describe as a throbbing atmospheric production I really don’t know how to put words to it, but I could physically feel this song in my ears in a way I haven’t experienced before. It made me quite uncomfortable, and I almost had to stop listening. This song is definitely a standout for me. It elicits an intense emotional response more effectively than any other song I’ve listened to before.

The back half of this project definitely feels more off-putting than the beginning. I entered into this feeling a sense of peace and tranquility, with just a slight eeriness in the background, but as the album progresses that eeriness compounds with every passing track.

I won’t pretend that heaven is an easy project to listen to. It’s not. This isn’t something you put on in your car, or at a party. This is something you listen to if you want a spiritual journey. If you want to confront the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings inside yourself. You have to go into this project prepared and you will come out of it changed.

Before I listened to the final track, restart- the title made me assume (and hope) that this song would return to some of the less disturbing sonics of the beginning of the album. I found myself wishing that disposable would be able to find peace at the end of this wordless narrative, and that this would be a positive restart, as opposed to a return to the apathy they were trying to move away from throughout the creation of this project.

As I listened, I couldn’t tell if my hopes were fulfilled or not. Parts of the sonics of this final track made me believe that this inner peace was achieved, but others made me doubtful, especially as the song reached its conclusion and the anxiety-inducing layers began to increase and culminate in an abrupt ending.

This album’s conclusion left me with more questions than it did answers. I find myself trying to dissect it, but I have a feeling that this project simply exists for the sake of existing. It’s not a narrative, nor is it an answer to a question, it’s simply a snapshot. A captured moment. An opportunity to peer inside the artist’s mind. A mind that, like all of ours, doesn’t have the answers, does not have a complete story, and is still developing, growing, and ever changing. I will revisit this album in a year's time, and I suspect my thoughts about it to have changed as well.

Prepare yourself, put on a good pair of headphones, and listen to disposable’s heaven for yourself here.

 

About disposable

disposable is a signalwave artist from Auckland New Zealand. This is an alias they use to separate themselves from their other works and prevent them from being put in a box




Visit the muzic.net.nz Profile for disposable

Releases

heaven
Year: 2024
Type: Album

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